Potty training for me came with pressure, different techniques, tears and my final successful attempt. My first experience with my daughter was also completely opposite from my second experience with my son. It all comes down to what's best for you and your child.
The Pressure
My daughter was 18 months when I began getting pressured to potty train her. I had heard the comments "Kendra, she's too old to keep using a diaper. Why haven't you potty trained her yet?"
This had led me to do what most parents do, buy the books and google online. I waited till she was about 2 1/2 to actually begin the process.
Potty Training Techniques I Tried
I tried probably at least 3 different techniques before I found the right one. This included:
Rewarding the behavior with prizes/candy and a sticker chart (she went through that quick)
Putting her in underwear so she could feel the mess to learn what it means to have to "go"
The last one I'm not proud of but I got angry with her near the end (which made her feel bad and didn't benefit anyone)
Needless to say, none of this worked. My daughter has this spirited soul of independence and that she can do anything on her own. She wouldn't even hold our hands to learn to walk as an infant because she needed to do it independently. This is a trait that I admire dearly in her and needed to respect which initially I did not do.
The Tears
I spent many mornings, evenings and days crying.. worrying.. upset because I felt I was doing everything wrong with her. The pressure and the feelings of failure became overwhelming. I finally had to tell people to stop voicing their opinion because I was figuring it out with her on my own. This had led me to finally calming down and doing some research into what suited her personality.
I came across a post on a mom site where another mother had verbalized similar personality traits of her child and what she did to potty train their child.
I told my husband, "I'm trying this out and if it doesn't work than I don't know what will."
My Final Attempt
I told Josephine that mommy wasn't going to force her anymore because she's now 3 1/2 and if she wants to use the toilet she can. I walked her over to the bathroom, put the light on, lifted the toilet lid up (she had a small toddler seat on top) and two stools to assist her both at the toilet and the sink. I told Josephine that it's all set up for her and she can go ahead and do it HERSELF. Guess what? She did it perfectly.
I spent almost a year struggling with my child and after I gave her the power.. we hardly ever had an accident since. She ended up doing it all on her own.
I really looked at myself after that and disliked how I allowed the social expectations to get the best of me. I needed to observe my daughter and allow her to be in control of her body. In the end, I believe I struggled for no reason and should have just waited till she was ready because that was in her personality.
My Son's Experience Was Different
My second child was of course completely opposite. Since he was a boy, I did wait till he told me he wanted to be a big boy and start going to the potty. He was just turning 3. He also had an extra push because his cousin who he is 9 months older started learning at the same time and the boys ultimately "competed". We never encouraged it but it happened regardless. In the end, I never was frustrated, never was angry, never cried. My son was never frustrated, angry or cried. I allowed him to decide and this worked out great for the both of us.
In the end, I am now a huge believer that every mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandma, grandpa, so on.. will raise children the way THEY believe is right. It doesn't matter what I believe because ultimately you may take a small part of something I said in this blog and create your own parenting technique that works for you which is GREAT! That's the way it should be.
If you had a different potty training technique that worked for you let me know? I go to mom groups and love sharing with another mom/dad different options that could help them out.
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